That's How People Grow Up
by edie0
Summary: Blair Waldorf has an epiphany.
1. Chapter 1

_I was wasting my time  
Trying to fall in love  
Disappointment came to me and  
Booted me and bruised and hurt me_

She laid in her bed at night and thought "I finally figured everything out. I don't need Nate, Chuck, my mother, Serena, or Constance to validate who I am. I'm Blair Waldorf and tomorrow I will finally figure out who that is."

She spent months trying to help Chuck and his loss; she was there for Serena and helped her get rid of Gabriel and Poppy; she was there with Nate while he figured out his life as an Archibald. No one was really there for her when her life crumbled. Tomorrow though, everything will change.

She was set to meet up with Nate before going to a brunch at Serena's that Lily had planned. They spotted each other and walked to each other.

"Hey", she said. He leaned in to give her a kiss she moved her head so that the kiss landed on her cheek. " Is everything alright Blair?" he said giving a disconcerting look. "We can't do this anymore" she said.

"What do you mean?" he said with a look of uncertainty.

"You have been great and this has been good, but its not what I need or want. I think I've reached some point of enlightenment and realized I can't keep trying to be this idea of Blair Waldorf. Seeking perfection can't possibly be my only hobby. I need to figure things out. I'm sorry but this needs to end but I want you to know that I'm grateful for you being who you are and loving me in spite of everything. I love you Nate Archibald but I need to love only myself right now."

"Blair, where is this all coming from?" he asked.

"where is this coming from? It is coming from the fact that I don't even know who I am and I need to figure that out. I need to work on myself. I can't possibly have a nervous breakdown every time something doesn't go according to this irrational plan I have laid out for myself. I need figure out that it is okay to be just me." She exclaimed on the verge of tears.

"Blair its okay I get it. Your talking to me, I definitely understand." He said with a smile.

"I-I just have an opportunity to start fresh at NYU. I really need to…I want to. So I have to tell you that I can't move-in with you." She said.

"I figured." He said with a chuckle. She smiled and they both leaned in to kiss.

"I love you and thank you." She said and turned and walked away.

She walked into Serena's apartment and was greeted by Lily, Rufus, Eric, and Jenny. She asked for Serena and was told she was in her room. She walked to her room and went directly in without knocking. She soon saw she had disrupted Dan and Serena.

"Hey! cabbage patch can you leave?" she asked intimidating him with raising a single brow.

"Of course, since you asked so nicely." He said sarcastically.

"Dan I'm sorry." Blair blurted out before he walked though the door.

Serena and Dan looked stunned. "What?" Dan said as he stopped walking.

"I'm sorry for… I don't know just well umm. I said I'm sorry, accept already and leave." She said with a tinge on disregard and impatience.

"Apology accepted I guess." He stated with confusion blatantly etched in his face, he left.

" what was that all about?" asked Serena.

"I have reached the pinnacle point in my life where I just need to accept the travesty that people are and I suppose apologize for the ill feelings I have towards what they can not change. Humphrey can not change his social-ineptness, so I will just have to accept it."

"okay I suppose. What did you need to talk to me about B?'

"Well Nate and I have finally ended whatever we had, just an hour ago."

"What happened B? Are you okay? Shall I go get our two favorite men Ben and Jerry?" she stated trying to alleviate what she assumed to be coming, a Blair epic meltdown.

"Serena, I am perfectly fine. Actually today is a day of celebration. I, Queen B shall no longer reign in the upper east side and accept my lowly place as a undeclared freshmen at NYU." She states with a smile plastered on her face. Serena is shocked by the way Blair is exuding a vibrancy of cheerfulness. She is uncertain if Blair is being sarcastic and she just can not merely grasp it or if she really is happy with the new direction her life is heading.

"B, are you okay? What's happening and what do you mean?"

"Serena, I'm happy. I've just been thinking and I came to the realization that for the first time in my life, I have no agenda, no real plans to keep on tab, and most importantly the fact that it doesn't matter. I am happy that I don't have to live up to any plans and I can finally figure out what I want to do with myself. Maybe I might end up doing law like I planned or maybe I'll end up in Linguistics who knows, I surely don't and I'm excited because I don't."

"B, I'm happy that your seeing things this way but what does this little spiel you just stated have to do with Nate and you ending things."

"I was getting to that Serena, I want for once in my life no significant other holding my hand. I had my parents hold my hand and they handed it to Nate. When that seemed like it was closing, I ended up in a limo,--with Chuck, then back to Nate and I was handed back into bed with Chuck and when he didn't want me the Lord and then I was pining after Chuck and then I was back in the hand of Nate. Oh god just thinking about it makes be want to slap myself… Well basically all of that just really needed to come to a close. Do you not see that? A man can not define who I am and I have reached a cross point in my life and I want to do that alone."

"I get it B, for a minute there I thought you were going to come out to me." She states with an amused look and slight giggle.

" I might be going to NYU but I shan't experiment with one of my roommates."

" I don't think Chuck's limo driver would like you very much. He and Dorota are pretty keen on each other."

"Dorota?" Blair asked clearly confused.

"You knew that she and him-" Serena begins.

" I know about them. You know I won't be seeing Dorota too much come fall." Blair states.

"Why?"

"I'm moving out."

"What?!" Chuck states as he steps into the room.


	2. Chapter 2

"Chuck, can you possibly manage to knock before you barge into my room?" Serena said.

"Maybe when I find a reason to do so." He turns and focuses his attention back to Blair. "So you finally decided to move in with dear Nathaniel." Chuck said he tried to sound as if it didn't matter but he felt a pang in chest.

"Well, ever since prom we thought maybe it wasn't a bad idea if we did." Blair said. Serena a bit confused of what Blair just said interrupts, "I thought you two just ended things?"

Chuck stands a bit stricken replies "lying now are we Blair, a bit pathetic…"

"I'm not lying! You can ask Nate yourself we had agreed it wouldn't be a bad idea, so I'm not lying, YOU just didn't let me finish. I'm not moving in with Nate. I'm moving by myself to the East Village." Chuck was at a loss for words and Serena could only reply with one word, "What?!"

"Serena you don't need to yell." Blair replied. She wasn't quite sure of the response she expected but she didn't expect everyone to react the same way, Her parents, Cyrus, Dorota even Aaron couldn't believe it. "Blair Waldorf in the East Village? Its just kinda hard to grasp."

"I know S, but its close to campus, besides I found an incredible renovated loft. Aaron even helped me find it. Its only a couple of blocks from his new place." Aaron had been surprisingly helpful the past weeks. It seemed to Blair that maybe she could get along with him, he even let her borrow some art books about duChamp and O' keefe that she found fascinating.

"And your mom is fine with you leaving? B, have you thought this through entirely you know this means no, Dorota?" Serena responded.

Chuck just stood listening, trying to understand everything. He was bombarded with so much information he wasn't quite sure how to take it. Blair and Nate over. Blair leaving the UES. What was Blair trying to play? He really couldn't understand it all. "What's this all about? I find it hard to believe you are willing to slum it and live in domestic bliss solo and Dorota-free. Or is it because you and your dear Nathaniel failed yet again that you feel you need to banish yourself from the UES. A just a tad dramatic and drastic Waldorf?" Chuck said.

"This has nothing to do with Nate but everything to do with me. Look both of you I'm doing this with no hidden agenda I'm doing this because I want to and that's it" Blair replied agitated and made her way out of Serena's room. Serena followed her calling her name Blair replied a bit flippant, "I'm not mad S, if that's what you think I just need to get going." It was the truth, she really wasn't upset just tired of reiterating the same thing over and over to everyone—her mother, father, Roman, Cyrus, Nate, Serena, Chuck even Aaron all were dumbfounded by Blair's decision. She thought it wasn't that much of a big deal it was just relocation, and maybe a whole lot of freedom. But wasn't that what life after high school is about. Freedom, adventure, a new chapter to be written in the book of her life, but most importantly the chance to find oneself. Okay so maybe it was a really big deal.

_But that's how people grow up That's how people grow up_

_-------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_Short I know. Next ch. will be posted soon with some CB action._


	3. Chapter 3

A few days later, Blair laid in her bed in her room which now had only remnants of her belongings in it. She suddenly began to sob uncontrollably. She thought this is what exactly she wanted and needed but that was just recently. Before she dreamt about and how Chuck would finally say those three words and eight letters, which he finally did. Was she making a huge mistake when she told him she needed time. "Oh god, what did I do!", she exclaimed. Had she just made the biggest mistake in her life? She had crushed Chuck and she knew that.

The day's event kept replaying in her mind how Chuck finally said I love you, the kiss, the ride in the limo, the walk up to suite 1812, and that night together. All of it seemed so perfect, Blair had felt completely content until he said "Move in with me." WHY did he have to say that the next morning. Those were the first words he had said to her as the sun rose and they laid in his bed. They were both laying in each others arms with their finger intertwined when those words left his mouth. When he said those words, they sounded and were exactly the same words Nate had said only a few weeks prior. Then they triggered something in her and she told Chuck simply she wouldn't. That she couldn't.

Those eyes, his eyes, they crushed her. That's why she couldn't stop crying. All she could see when she closed her eyes were his eyes. She kept reminding herself of her plan and why she needed this change in her life. Why she needed to find herself. She knew it was the right thing to do and if she moved in with Chuck how could she possibly figure out what kind of person she was. Yet even though she knew she had made the right decision it simply didn't help her cope with the situation.

Her mind kept going in circles and the next thing she was doing was trying to stabilize her breathing as she quickly slipped on her shoes and grabbed a coat and her bag and dashed out of her home. She desperately needed to see Chuck.

She stood outside of Chuck's suite. She knocked and there was no answer. It suddenly hit her, perhaps he had left New York again since he wasn't at the Van der Woodsens and it seemed he wasn't here either. She kept knocking and she said "Chuck, please I need too see you. I need to talk to you." There was no answer.

He wasn't there she thought. He left. Again. Then came the sobbing again. She tried to stop but she couldn't. She stood with her body resting against the door as she cried.

Chuck sat there quietly hearing her cries. He had drank himself into stupor but it hit him and he couldn't stand her sobs any longer. He went to the door and opened it, Blair nearly fell but Chuck managed to hold her up. He said in whisper as he held her "Fucking leaving Blair."

She looked up at him and replied "I love you so much Chuck"

"You have a funny way of showing it. When Nate first asked you said yes but to me since you love me so much you say no. Please explain that to me Blair."

Blair replied, " That's the thing Chuck, when Nate first asked me I didn't have any direction in my life. I wanted to feel safe, that's why I got back with Nate in the first place. I love Nate…" Chuck turned his face away, Blair grabbed his head with both her hands and kissed him gently and replied " but I'm in love with you. I don't want to jump into something to feel safe. Do you know that I have always been in a relationship or at least pursuing one. I don't want to be that girl, Chuck I don't want a guy to validate who I am."

"Blair, it won't be like that I'm Chuck Bass not Archibald or the Lord…"

"I know Chuck, I know but I'm Blair Waldorf and that's who I am, was, I don't know I just don't want to be like that anymore. That's why I want to try, do, and figure things out. Alone."

"You said when I said I love you you'd be mine, Blair."

"And I am, but I can't be. I want to love me. The real me, whoever that is. Chuck I'm not Queen B anymore, I'm just Blair with no idea of what to expect come fall."

"So basically your saying I'm not welcome to come on this adventure with you, you don't want me."

"I'm not saying that either Chuck. You are the one thing in my life that I never planned. Someone I never had control over. You were my first adventure Chuck. You are proof that sometimes when plans become a disaster the outcome can be so much better." Blair kissed Chuck again on his lips.

"So what does this mean for us?" Chuck replied.

"Well I'm going to go with plan and move by myself to the East Village, and you will have a key to come over when ever you like. There are some perks of not living with my mother and Dorota, now you can come over without Dorota swearing at you in Polish."

"Very true" Chuck replied with a chuckle.

"I love you Chuck, Forevermore. Don't ever doubt that" Blair stated.

With that a huge smile appeared on Chuck's face.


End file.
